Pretending

I’m tired of going through the motions
Of pretending that I’m not crying inside,
That when you look at me with sunken eyes,
Dying embers reflecting out of what used to
Be a flame burning with passion,
I don’t cringe mentally,
Pray to God to give me strength
To tell you it’s going to be okay,
We’ll make it through this
Even as I watch you fade I
Cling to the edge of my belief, my Faith,
Because that’s all I have
To keep me grounded in this
Ever-spinning tornado
I hate watching you fade,
Shrink, your smile vanish
Replaced with an expression of deep sorrow
And I dream of you dying
And wake up in tears, drenched with sweat,
And fear that rips through my chest
And makes my skin crawl
Because losing you would be like
Losing the part of myself I love the best,
The part that when gone would
Make me a shell, forever longing
For what has always been out of my reach
And I long to scream I love you,
To take your face in my hands,
Feeling the warmth of your skin in my fingertips
And shake you alive,
Kiss my breath into you and save you
From this downward spiral
That’s pulling you under, away
I’m tired, weary, fatigued, exhausted,
And all I want is to curl up beside you,
My arms around you,
And for a while feel that everything’s ok.